Week 14 Wrap Up and Regrets

Week 14 has finished and week 15 is beginning. For the week, I am down 2.0 pounds. This brings my total loss so far to 42 pounds. Today, I am wearing a dress I just purchased that is TWO sizes smaller than what I was wearing 3 months ago. It feels good :) 

 

Aside from my pants falling down twice this week (The first time, I put my hands in my pockets with a little too much force. The second time, I put my cell phone in my pocket...who would've thought the weight of a cell phone could make some pants fall down. This is also one reason why I am wearing the new dress today...so I don't have to worry about pant issues until I can get a belt this weekend) this week has been very good! Oh, and I forgot to workout on Saturday. I'm not quite sure how that happened. I woke up with every intention of working out, then I just started doing other things, which led to running errands and then making dinner and then my friend dropped off her daughter so we could babysit...I went to bed and thought, "crap, I forgot to workout." Oops. I guess it happens sometimes.

 

Two days this week, I was able to do some jogging intervals. I couldn't do the intervals for the entire cardio sessions, but I was able to do it for half the time and then power walk the rest of the time. It's when I hit that pain that I can't quite push through that I have to stop and walk (the shin splints are really hanging on). But it's a lot better than last week. And a heck of a lot better than the week before that. So, it's improvement. I think I should be back to normal by next week...I hope :)
And my yoga classes are starting to get exciting. We've been working on crow pose for a couple weeks now. And on Monday, we worked on handstands! We did the first part of handstand with a partner, where they hold one leg while you lift your other one up. Honestly, I felt confident I could hold my leg up....but did not feel confident/trust my partner enough to support the other leg :/ Let me lose about 30 more pounds (or give me a really strong partner) and I'll try again :)

 

 

 

So, I've talked about Donald Miller before (author of Blue Like Jazz and A Million Miles in a Thousand Years). He has a blog that he (and several other contributors) write in pretty much daily. I love to read these blog posts. They're really interesting and often make you think and reflect. I read one from the archives yesterday (Click HERE to read the blog post) and it really got me thinking (and if you're my facebook friend, I shared the link on there yesterday). This post is about the top 5 regrets people have in the last weeks of their lives. There's a nurse that works only with patients who have 12 weeks or less to live. She started to ask her patients if they had any regrets or anything they would have done differently in their lives. Here are the top 5 responses:

5. I wish I had let myself be happier

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard

1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

You were just given the most common regrets people have by the time they die. Think about those responses. How many do you feel right now in your current situation?  There is a VERY good chance at least one of these regrets has stuck out to you in one way or another. Everyone I spoke with about this so far is currently feeling at least one of these regrets. I loved reading this blog post so much because it gave me hope. 

 

Here's why this list give me hope. WE'RE STILL ALIVE! We aren't dying in 12 weeks (that we know of). Our lives aren't done yet. You are still breathing. You are still capable of changing any potential regret you may have. Call your friends! If you currently wish you had let yourself be happier, then let yourself be happier! Starting today, do what you need to do to make yourself happy. If you wish you lived a life true to yourself, you still have your life to live! Go live it the way it's supposed to be lived. Other's expectations should not control how you are supposed to feel. You can change that. You were designed to be YOU and no one else. Society's standards shouldn't mold you into something you aren't meant to be. You are YOU and only YOU. Most anything that you wish you could've done, it's not too late. Have faith and do what you need to do to be the best you can be. :)

 

 

 

Make Today a Good Day

I will admit, I am not always the most positive person in the world. I would be completely content if I didn't have to utter a single word for the first 3-4 hours after I wake up. I'm really not a morning person. Before this new journey started, I would wake up and dread the day. And I mean every day. The first thought in my head would be, "oh great...another day. I wonder how bad it'll suck" and then complained the rest of the day of whatever "horrible" things happened. I'm learning that is no way to live.

I fully believe whatever you put out in the world, you will receive back. If you put negativity out, you will receive negativity back. If you put good out, you receive good back. Your day depends on how you choose to view the world. Your life depends on how you choose to live it. There are going to be ups and downs in every persons life. But, are you going to dwell on the less than perfect moments and let them take control of your emotions? Or are you going to learn from them, call it experience, and move on to make this day brighter? (If you want to learn more about that, talk to my mom. She's always joyful. No matter the situation, she is humming, optimistic, joyful)

I say this because I have lived on both sides and viewed the world and my days in both lights. Growing up and being abused on a regular basis by a figure that is supposed to love and care for you can really screw with the mentality of a child. By my teen years, I was diagnosed with major depression, an anxiety disorder and post traumatic stress disorder. I had (and still have) the ability to dissociate myself from any situation; I can literally turn my feelings off like a light switch and make myself go numb. I was labeled. I thought I was supposed to live my life based on these labels that someone who went through medical school gave me. It dimmed my vision. It dimmed my view on the world. It dimmed my view of myself. Here I was, an impressionable teen, with these labels of inferiority stuck to me with no hope of removing them. That's how I felt, at least. And if that's how I felt, then I thought that's how I should look. I felt inferior to the world, and should then look inferior to the world. So I ate. And the world darkened. And rock bottom became uncomforably comfortable. And I began to give up.

Rock bottom was quite possibly one of the best things that I could've experienced. Finally making that leap to better myself and begin to write a new life story is the absolute best thing that could've happened to me. If I didn't hit that rock bottom, I wouldn't have seen the light of hope in the future. Martin Luther King Jr said in on of his speeches, "only when it is dark enough can you see the stars." I first read that speech of his when I first hit rock bottom, and I can tell you that it is 100% true. I had to be in the darkest part of my life to be able to see any light that was available to me.

These days are much better. There are times where I still struggle. Depression is a fickle friend. But I no longer let my past define me. I cannot let any labels a doctor put on me define who I am as a person. I am uniquely me. Things happened in my past. They are experiences. I learn from them, I can't lean on them. Only I can make those experiences a lesson learned with a positive outcome. Only I can make the choice to not dwell on the past or any downfall I have. Only I can make the choice to be happy today...IN THIS MOMENT. I choose to have a good day. No one else can change that.

When I woke up this morning, I thought, "I'm going to have a good day today" (I even do that whole talking to myself in the mirror thing on occasion, I will admit). Then my phone rang at 7am with a call from a friend, which was very nice. Then I had good conversation with several people at the coffee shop. After that, 4 different strangers I walked past on my way to work this morning smiled and said good morning. Then, I ran into someone I haven't seen in a little while and had a nice conversation with him. It was a great morning! And, I am looking forward to a good yoga class tonight, and then making an awesome dinner. I woke up and told myself AND BELIEVED that I would have a good day, and that positivity came back to me as a good morning. I wholeheartedly believe that positivity attracts positivity. Your negative thoughts will attract more negativity toward you. If you're positive and BELIEVE the positivity, then more positivity will be attracted to you. I remind myself of this everyday. Sometimes, it's a struggle...but I haven't been happier than I have been these past 3 months (working out really helps with that, too, I know).

Try is sometime. I dare you ;) One week. For one week, wake up and tell yourself that it will be a good day....and believe it. For one week, focus on the light in people and in your environment. For one week, don't focus on the past or the future, just focus on one day at a time. For one week, speak joy and hope into the world and your surroundings. For one week, commit one act of random kindness per day. For one week, don't allow any negativity that may be in the world affect your view. If you live with a negative person, don't let their negative life choices cause any ill-effects on you. A wise man (and dear friend) once said two words that literally changed my life view: be unoffendable. For one week, be unoffendable. For one week.

Chances are, after that week, you won't want to have a negative attitude again.



To all of you, I wish you a good day and will end with this, by one of my favorite childhood authors:

How many slams on an old screen door?
Depends how loud you shut it.
How many slices in a bread?
Depends how thin you cut it.
How much good inside a day?
Depends how good you live 'em.
How much love inside a friend?
Depends how much you give 'em.

-- Shel Silverstein

Week 13 Wrap Up and a general update

The end of week 13 is wrapping up and day 90 passed on Tuesday. Weigh-in today was pretty good. I am down another 4.2 pounds this week for a total overall loss of 40 pounds since day 1. It's hard to believe. What's harder to believe is that I am 10 pounds away from the 50 pound mark. Holy cow! K and I will be doing our 90 day measurements today, along with the 90 day pictures. Maybe I will share my Day 1 pic and Day 90 pic on here. We shall see :)

It's been a little difficult this week because I've been completely on my own for all of the workouts. But it has made me realize that this is MY journey and only I can determine how it is written. I can't let anyone else's choices affect how I will do, what I will do, or how well I will do it. I am accountable to myself and will have to answer to myself when failure hits. So, if the road has to be walked alone, I will have to walk it alone and do what I need to do in order to succeed. It won't be as emotionally easy, and it may get a little lonely, but it has to be done. I'm not giving up, no matter the circumstances.

The shin splints are better. I've been taking it really easy this week with cardio, making sure I don't put too much pressure on my leg. My main cardio has been yoga this week. It really gets the blood flowing and a sweat going, but doesn't have that terribly painful physical impact running has on my leg lately. I'm still feeling that sharp ache in my shin, but it's not nearly as bad as it was. I'm hoping I'll be back to normal very soon.

I had the doctor's appointment this week with that doctor I wrote about last week. It was really a very interesting first visit. She seems very knowledgeable and I appreciate her insight. She did ask me about this journey (since it was one of the reasons I wanted to get all my hormone levels tested, to make sure they're not all out of whack) and I told her about it. She "prescribed" an amino acid for me that will assist me in my journey, will help keep my body regulated during these drastic changes, and will also help with endurance and whatnot. She said it will also help so I don't hit that dreaded plateau everyone fears of hitting. It'll be interesting to see if it works and how well it works.  She also took a bunch of blood to test all my other hormones and I have a follow up appointment to go over those results in a few weeks. I'm interested to see those results.

I also plan on having some VERY exciting news to share in the coming weeks. Hopefully. I don't want to jump the gun and spill it and then have it all fall through. So, I will share as soon as I have confirmation :)

 

Week 12 Wrap Up and Maintenance

Ever since these stupid shin splints happened, I've been a little afraid of weigh-in days. Since I can't do as much cardio as I have been able to do, I feel like I'm not getting as much out of my workouts. Yesterday's workout was some weight training and the bike. Bleh. I really dislike the bike. As much as I don't like jogging, I prefer it over the bike.

So anyway, today was weigh-in day and I am down another 2.4 pounds this week! I was very surprised since the only real workouts that happened this week were yoga (aside from training day and weights yesterday...but there were extra rest days this week). As of today, the end of week 12, I am down 35.8 pounds :) I think that's a pretty decent pace of loss.

It's frustrating because people are noticing and commenting on the physical change my body is currently going through, I can feel that my clothes fit differently (even the ones that are smaller that I JUST bought...I'm not too happy about that), but when I look in a mirror I see no difference. Perception is really screwing with me. Logically, I know there is a change, but I can't see it. But I can't allow my own false perception affect my thought process or my motivation. I just have to have faith that I will see it one day. And when I see the change, it'll be good.

To make sure I get the most out of this experience, and to make sure I'm treating my body the best I can, I have started performing some maintenance. Just like how a car needs a tune up or an oil change, the body needs some routine fixing up, as well. Every 2-3 weeks, I get a massage (if you're looking for an AMAZING massage therapist in the Cleveland area, let me know and I will give you her information). Any soreness is massaged away, tight muscles are loosened, things are put back in place (my first session, she was able to get my collarbone back in place...I didn't even know it was displaced). Plus, there are some definite health benefits to massage, such as improving posture, improves circulation, promotes deep breathing, reduces anxiety, reduces stress, increases mental alertness, promotes a calm mind, enhances skin tone and health, promotes and enhances joint flexability, and the list goes on. It's something that I'm doing for myself that I know needs to be done. I can't even tell you how much better I feel after getting a routine massage. It makes my entire body feel better and makes me feel like I can take on the world! ...but with calmness :)

The other thing that I will be doing, in order to take care of my body, is by going to this doctor that K absolutely RAVES about. Now, I am not usually a fan of doctors. I believe doctors are just sick care. They put chemical drugs in your body to cover symptoms, but don't actually fix the root of the problem. I think there are natural remedies that can treat most any ailment and those natural remedies should be used instead of the chemical drugs (not to mention taking preventative measures so illness isn't even an occurrance). That's why this doctor is so great. She checks the hormones in your body....and I mean, she really checks EVERYTHING. And the way she checks them is different and more accurate than a conventional doctor. She's able to check the thyroid based on something that the liver excretes...I don't exactly fully understand it, but I've seen the transformation in others. So, aside from all the hormone checks, she also then will "prescribe" supplements instead of chemical prescription drugs. All natural...you can get them online or at Whole Foods (Now, I do understand there are certain things that do require a chemical prescription, and if it's absolutely necessary, that's fine). She's all about balancing any imbalance. That's what I want. I want to prevent anything that could happen. Cancer and underactive thyroids run in my immediate family. The other side of my genes is a mystery due to my dad being adopted. I don't know what to expect, but I want to be able to bring balace to my body so it can be as healthy as possible so I don't have to experience disease and illness. I will have my appointment next week. I'm pretty excited about it. I've never been excited to go to a doctor before. (I should say this: I don't feel terrible, currently. I just want to have all of my hormones and everything checked to make sure everything is ok and stays ok. Especially the toll the body is taking with the drastic physical change, I would only assume some things can get a little out of whack in the process).

I'll keep you all updates on the results.

Cleveland Challenge Nation 2013

I figured I would give you all an update on the "5k" that K and I participated in this past Saturday. I will give a bit of a disclaimer. This was the VERY FIRST time K and I have ever entered and participated in a race like this. So, going into it, K and I really had no idea what to expect.

Challenge Nation is an urban scavenger hunt that goes from city to city. You are given 12 clues with a task to complete at each clue. You have to figure each clue out to determine the destination, get to said destination, complete the task it says and take a picture (you have to get 11 of the 12 clues). K and I lined up at the starting/registration location, signed a waiver, got our race bibs and t-shirts and waited. Since we had over an hour to kill before we had to be back to get instructions and start the race, we grabbed some coffee from a local shop and tried to plan some kind of strategy (again, even though we had no idea what to expect). The last couple weeks leading up to this event, we studied Cleveland history and landmarks, and made it a point to take our walks/jogs through the city as often as possible so we could put all the landmarks into perspective. While sipping our coffee, we decided that we would get the clues then run to the nearest semi-remote location to figure out all the clues and plan a route. We planned on giving ourselves 30 minutes to do this. After that, we had no plan....just run.

K was our team captain (she's not as afraid to push through a crowd as I am, so it was a unanimous vote from the two of us), so she went and got the clues envelope, and we ran to a secluded location (aka, a trash can on the sidewalk...covered in mini spiders....it was kind of gross, but we did what we had to do). I'm not really sure what we were initially thinking when we said we would need 30 minutes to figure the clues out. We had those puppies figured out and the route mapped out in 5 minutes flat. So, we started running.

There were over 1,200 people registered for this event with over 300 teams participating. A LOT of people showed up. We did the best we could. The shin splints really got in the way, but I felt as though we ran for about half of the race....doing block intervals (run 1 block, walk 1 block, etc). By the time we were running back to the ending location, the searing pain really took over and I felt like I had gone blind a couple of times, so I could only mostly walk at the end (my competitive nature was kicking myself and the stupid splints. I'm sure K's competitive nature was also kicking me).

Out of 300+ teams, we finished in 70th place with a time of 1 hour and 27 minutes. We had ZERO clue/location deductions. For this being the very first race that we've done, I'm pretty proud with how well we did. Plus, we had SO much fun! Mentally, K and I had this race in the bag. It was the physical part that held us back (But still, I don't think I did all that bad due to the fact that I've literally only been exercising for 80 days of my life and had a gimp leg). So next year, I feel pretty confident that we could place in the top 25 and go to Vegas for the National Championship.

I'm really glad I had the opportunity to participate in an event like this. When I first started with J, he gave us a goal sheet to fill out. One of my goals was to participate and finish a 5k. 80 days into this journey, I can officially cross my first goal off my list. I know a 5k isn't a full marathon or anything, but it's definitely something I never thought I would do. And I did it. And I did better than I thought. I feel proud of myself for accomplishing this and I can't wait to cross more goals off my list in the future :)

Agape

Here we are at the end of week 11 and I'm slightly injured, so I've had to take some time to rest. I guess it had to happen at some point in time and I will count myself lucky that it took almost 3 months for it to happen (I'm a very clumsy person. I honestly thought I would've hurt myself 4 or 5 times by now). While shin splints are super common, they're a pain to get! I don't really like feeling as though my leg is going to break in half when I run. But it happens. I still have one good leg and two good arms to still work out during training today. So long as J doesn't make me run, I'll be fine :) The shin splints are just bad timing. My first ever 5k is in just a couple days. This 5k is an "Urban Scavenger Hunt" in downtown Cleveland, so K and I will be given 12 clues, we will have to figure them out, get to the destinations as fast as possible, take a picture or perform an act as requested by the clues, and plan the quickest route to get to all the destinations and back. First place wins $300 and the top 25 teams go to Las Vegas for the National Championship with a $25,000 prize. K and I have pretty decent knowledge of Cleveland, her history and landmarks (and we've been studying). And I feel as though I can navigate downtown pretty well (you know, living downtown and all...I should know how to get around, right?). So, I think we may have a pretty good chance. Even with the shin splints, I will go as fast as possible. I may not be as fast as I've been lately (or as fast as other people racing), but I will do my best. I can't let K (and myself) down, after all. I'm still pretty excited for the race. It'll be fun no matter how well we do. And this will be the first thing I can cross off my goal sheet, so that also feels like quite an accomplishment.

For the week, I am down 1.6 pounds. This brings the 11 week total to 33.4 pounds lost so far. I had to take an extra rest day on Tuesday, due to the injury, and yesterday I took a "therapeutic" yoga class (I don't even want to talk about that class...if you could even call it yoga). So today I should be back on track with training and working out. Food and calories have been staying on track still. I signed up with a CSA (food co-op) called Fresh Fork Market that starts today. I'm pretty excited about it. I try to support local businesses as much as possible, and this is just another way to do it. You sign up for a season (the summer season is 21 weeks, I believe), and every week you get a bag of farm fresh and all local food. They have numerous pick-up locations for convenience. Every week, the food will be different and I get an email telling me what will be in the bag. This week, there's a whole chicken, some kale, specially made whole wheat Ohio City Pasta, broccoli, beans...the list goes on and on (They also have vegetarian and vegan options available). This has become another variable that I now have to add into my weekly menu planning. It was interesting to plan for this coming week. I like the added surprise, though. Rather than looking up recipes to do for the week, I've had to create my own in order to use all of the different ingredients given. So if these recipes work out, I may post some of them on here to share with all of you. We'll see.

************************************************************************

I feel as though it's a little fitting that Agape love has been at the forefront of my my mind the past few days. I was reading something by Paulo Coelho and I feel as though I should share it. It's a little long, but I think it's totally worth the read:

"Agape is total love, the love that devours those that experience it. Whoever knows and experiences Agape sees that nothing else in this world is of any importance, only loving. This is the love that Jesus felt for humanity, and it was so great that it shook the stars and changed the course of man's history.

"During the millennia of the history of civilization, many people have been smitten by this Love that Devours. They had so much to give - and the world demaded so little - that they were obliged to seek out the deserts and isolated places because love was so great that it transfigured them.

"When we love and believe in something from the bottom of our soul, we feel stronger than the world and we are imbued with a serenity that comes from the certainty that nothing can conquer our faith. This strange force makes us always make the right decisions at the right time, and we are surprised at our own capacity when we fulfill our objective.

"Enthusiasm usually manifests itself in all its power in the early years of our life. We have a strong tie with the divinity and we give ourselves with such zeal to our toys that dolls take on a life of their own and little tin soldiers manage to march. When Jesus said that the kingdom of Heaven belonged to the children, he was referring to Agape in the form of Enthusiasm. The children reached him without paying any attention to his miracles, his wisdom, the Pharisees and the apostles. They came happily, driven by Enthusiasm."

"May you never lose your enthusiasm at any moment for the rest of your life; it's your greatest strength, intent on the final victory. You cannot let it slip through your fingers just because as time passes we have to face some small and necessary defeats."

When I read that I thought, I want that feeling of Agape. I want to feel a love so strong that nothing can stop it, where I give everything I have to fulfill it, where I believe something from the bottom of my being. I want to have that child-like mind where enthusiasm abounds and cannot be tamed. A few defeats would then mean nothing. Those defeats would be pebbles in an ocean of zeal and passion.
But then I realized, I think I'm starting to feel that again. That Agape love. That Love that Devours. That enthusiasm that cannot be tamed. I may have lost it for a little while, but it's starting to come back. Life is beginning to have meaning again. I have objectives to fulfill again. Enthusiasm is starting to take over. When I get caught in a downpour, I no longer run for shelter and try to stay "safe" and dry; I twirl down the street, jump in puddles, and enjoy the rain that falls on my face.

And so my wish for all of you is this: May you never lose your enthusiasm at any moment for the rest of your life.

Agape.