I was not very good this last week. We all have our moments, though. The lack of logging in my food journal continued. And, between Wednesday and Sunday, I didn't workout at all. It's funny, I really feel it now when I don't work out. By Sunday, I felt like crap. But the baking is done for the fundraiser now and I had training on Sunday, got back into my workout routine with yoga (then had to take a rest day yesterday due to a severe allergy attack), and will be training again today. I feel pretty sore...could it be because I didn't do anything for several days? Either that or J just really kicked butt on Sunday and the yoga classes added to it. Either way, I'm ok with it. The soreness feels good. It feels like I'm making progress. Oh, side note: last day of work is tomorrow :) then let the much anticipated schooling begin!
Weigh in: well, it had to happen at some point, I guess. I suppose I'm glad it took 21 weeks. I gained this week. Up 1.8 pounds. I'm pretty disappointed, but I put it on myself. It just goes to show me how important working out and food journaling is. I'll start logging my food again today and training is tonight. Gotta get back on track!!
My first instinct is to answer with a smart aleck response of "well, don't you see how fat I am?!" but I try to refrain from that and answer with a more poised response. However, I never really know how to answer that question.
For me, the trouble with answering this question is that there was no real defining moment. I didn't go to the doctor and get diagnosed with some obesity-related disease. I don't have weight related health problems. I didn't have someone telling me, "you need to fix ___ by exercising." I never experienced physical joint pain. I wasn't on the verge of doing something drastically self-inflicting.
So, what made me decide to start this journey? I woke up one day and was tired of just surviving. I hadn't actually lived in years (if ever). I was tired of waking up every morning and dreading the day. I never wanted to reflect on my day or life because I didn't want to have to relive the darkness I was experiencing. There was no monumental moment in my life that caused my decision. There's nothing I can really pinpoint that pushed me over the edge. I guess it was a bunch of little reasons that snowballed. I just woke up one day and was tired of surviving. I just wanted to live. That's all.
Who would've thought that would be enough motivation to keep me going. I have wanted to quit this journey many times, I'll be honest. I wanted to give up. I wanted to just stop SO many times in these past 4 or so months. But every time I want to give up, I think back to my days of survival and think, "I can either keep pushing myself or I can go back to that dark hole in which I was living before." I also think back to the third week of training. I paid J for more sessions and said, "Since I kind of want to quit right now, I figured I would pay for more sessions instead." His response? "there is no quitting." And, while I haven't been perfect, I've been moving forward and trying my best (minus last week). This past week wasn't great, but that's the beauty of being human, I guess. We all will mess up at some point. But, just because this past week wasn't a good week, it doesn't mean I'm going to just give up and backtrack even more. It makes me want to work harder today and next week and the week after that.
So, back to the topic, there never was a real defining moment, but there were opportunities available that I felt I needed to take advantage of. And I can honestly tell you seizing those opportunities was the best choice I could have ever made. I regret nothing, will never regret anything, and will keep pushing myself to be better and work harder. Those moments of wanting to quit will come again, I know. But they also go away and the motivation to keep pushing myself forward will never cease.
I started this so I can live, not just survive.
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