Week 27 Wrap Up and Knowing It's Not Easy

Even though the "big" 6 month mark happened last week, I didn't put up another post because I kind of put it all into one post the week before. When my birthday happened, I didn't have just one cheat meal...I ended up having several cheat DAYS. That really messed me up. On top of that, I didn't workout as much as I should have and ended up taking some extra "rest days." And training didn't happen, as I didn't think about the fact that I set up the session the morning after my evening birthday festivities and was in no shape work get my butt kicked by J that morning.... oops. So, for week 26, I gained 1 pound.

Week 27 just wrapped up and I was able to get back on track. I'm down 2 pounds this week for a total loss so far of 62.6 pounds. I completely forgot to do my 6 month measurements. Maybe I'll do that tonight.

I initially thought I would workout more now that I only have to focus on school and have more free time without a full-time job. But, it's as if the extra downtime just causes more laziness. I'm thinking of making my one rest day on Wednesday now. Currently, I go to yoga Monday evenings and Tuesday afternoons. Tuesday night, I have class and am running around and cooking over a hot stove for 5 hours (no breaks), to then turn around and have to run around and cook over a hot stove for 4 hours on Wednesday mornings for another class. Once I get done with my Wednesday cooking class, I'm exhausted and have no motivation whatsoever to put on my workout clothes and go down to the gym. I'm still trying to figure this new schedule out, I guess.

I've posted before about making changes in your life and doing what you need to do to make yourself happy. After quitting corporate America and enrolling in culinary school to pursue my preferred career (I was allllllmost going to be cheesy and type "pursue my dreams" but I held back...you're welcome haha), I was determined to be happy. I've been unhappy for so long in so many different aspects of my life that I knew I needed to change multiple areas in order to achieve the happiness that I not only wanted, but deserved.

Here's the thing I got wrong, though. It's not going to be easy and it doesn't happen overnight. For some reason, I had this perfect image in my head that I would quit my job, school would be a breeze and I would hone my skills. Once December hits, I would get my personal chef certification, money would magically appear to start the personal chef business and people would come in droves to hire me and I would do what I love and have a career. In my mind, this seemed somewhat logical. Typing it and thinking back on it, it is completely unrealistic. That's not life. Life is about learning lessons and working for what you need, not having everything handed to you on a silver platter.

So, I started going for that image I had pictured. I quit my job in corporate America. The last two days of work, I had panic attacks...full on panic attacks. The week between my last day of work and first day of school, I cried. A lot. Every single day. Stress reared its ugly head. School started and I was surrounded by people who don't know the first thing about cooking in a kitchen. Instead of learning new techniques in my classes, classmates ended up coming up to me asking for help (because they've never seen a leek or parsnip before). What threw me for a loop was the amount of effort it took to cook with 20 other people in a commercial kitchen. I come home from classes exhausted. I forgot what school entailed.....I forgot research papers existed....and homework....and midterms....and projects. Oh, and don't get my started on forgetting the fact that I have bills to pay and no income (I'm still actively looking for a part-time job). These first 6 weeks or so of class have felt like a slap in the face. The wake up call happened. I see clearly again. I see reality.

The reality is, whatever you (and I) need to do and whatever changes you need to make in order to be happy is going to be hard work. It won't be easy. It's not going to be handed to you on a silver platter. You can't sit back with some bonbons and watch everything magically and flawlessly come together. There will be sleepless nights. There will be stress. There will be sweat. There will be body aches. There may be tears. There will definitely be things you expected to work out that don't work out.

But the beauty of it all is that, if you have a goal and if you're working hard enough to reach that goal, any sweat and failures and disappointments and stress will be worth it. No one ever says it's an easy coast to reach a goal. It's uphill. It's all uphill. The best part of getting up that hill to reach that goal, though? It's a sweeter success when you reach it and are finally able to taste it. When you hit that goal, the reward will be SO much greater because you know you deserve it. You know you put that hard work into achieving whatever you wanted to achieve and you deserve the end result. Those results will look better, taste sweeter, feel more fulfilling.

Even though anything worth wanting won't come easy, it will be worth it. With every roadblock I encounter and every negative thought that sneaks into my head, I remind myself of this every single day. It will be worth it.

A Late Week 25 Wrap Up, 6 months, and a Progress Picture

I like to set small goals for myself. It becomes an easier pill to swallow when I only have to focus on trying to lose 2-3 pounds per week, rather than 100+ pounds total. That total number could easily become way too overwhelming to handle, causing reason to quit. So, I like to break the large goal down into smaller and more manageable goals. I set a small goal for myself about a month ago. I wanted to hit the 60 pound loss mark by my birthday. Well, my birthday happened this past Saturday. Weigh in happened last week and I hit that goal. I was down another 2.8 pounds, for a total loss so far of 61.4 pounds. I feel kind of proud of that. I know I still have quite a ways to go....60 pounds wasn't an easy amount to lose so far, but now I think back to 6 months ago and can't imagine how I lived life 60 pounds heavier. And I know once I hit my goal weight, I'll think back to my current weight and wonder how I lived life now.

My life has been filled with many changes recently. Between quitting my job, going back to school, etc., it's almost every aspect is changing. I'm still looking for a part time job to cover my bills while in school. This down time can feel a bit unnerving at times, I'll be honest. But here's the thing. We are all so consumed with doing every single thing right now. It's ingrained in our minds that if we aren't doing something productive every second of the day then we're not doing enough.

There's a coffee shop in the lobby of my building. Over the past year and a half of living here, I have gotten to know the owner of the coffee shop pretty well. We've become friends. For over a year now, I cook him lunch and then I receive coffee in return (it's a pretty sweet deal since he seriously has THE BEST coffee in all of Cleveland...the shop was voted best cafe downtown). Since becoming a student again, I spend some of my free time down at the coffee shop. It's a small place, no tables or anything...one chair. While sitting in that one chair, I watch and interact with the customers that flow throughout the day. Their lives are so filled with....stuff. Just stuff. Nothing of real significant importance. But here's the beauty of the coffee shop. These people run into the building to the shop, order their beverage, and then stop. For those 3 minutes it takes to make their large white mocha latte, they stop their day. And they breathe. And they have a pleasant conversation.

I can't tell you how many people have stepped up to the counter and just take a breath. It looks like it's the first breath they've taken for the day. And it make me think...why do I feel restless for not having a job right now and for "only" going back to school. This is the time where I need to take advantage of the downtime. This is the time to stop and breathe. There's an opportunity here that needs to be seized. An opportunity to stop. An opportunity to meet new friends. An opportunity to breathe.

So, while I still look for that part-time job, I will seize this opportunity.


But anyway, here's my 6 month comparison picture :)

Week 24 wrap up and Runways

Week 24 is wrapping up. In two weeks, it will be the 6 month mark. Hard to believe! It makes me feel like I should buy J a gift for having to put up with me for 6 months haha...and the fact that it has only just begun :)

Weigh in went pretty ok this week. I'm down 3.6 pounds, for a total loss so far of 58.6 pounds. It's coming along...

You know what I'm finding difficult? Getting back into the swing of college life. My body is still programmed to wake up at 6:30 for work. I almost forgot what it's like to do homework. I absolutely forgot what it's like to sit in a lecture for 4 hours. I haven't owned a backpack to hold textbooks since middle school. They say it's like riding a bike...I hope I can remember how to pedal and stay balanced on those two wheels soon, because right now I keep falling and my knees are scraped up enough.

One bad habit I have fallen back into is not eating. When I don't have the regimented lunch break like I did at work, I forget to eat. This week, I ate dinner on Monday night. The next time I ate, I had a half of a PBJ in the car Wednesday afternoon. I literally forgot to eat for more than a day. The lack of routine/schedule is having its toll already. I'm not quite sure how to fix it, either. I tried to set an alarm....didn't work. Hopefully I can figure it out.

The problem I have with this is that, aside from the fact that weakness will set in when trying to workout, my body will start to go into "starvation mode" and will then store the fat/calories that is consumed when I finally do eat....thus causing weight gain. It's an overall bad situation. So, if anyone has any ideas how to get out of this rut, please let me know (and I swear, if anyone says, "just eat" I'm gonna....I don't know, but I'll do something! haha)

In my personal chef class at school, a video was shown by my instructor at the beginning of class. The speaker is a master chef and one of the best chefs in the country, but he doesn't talk about cooking...I promise. During his Ted talk, he talks about "running out of runway." It's all about doing what you need to do to be happy before it's too late. I found it very interesting and he makes very good points. He says a lot of things that a lot of people already know but often need to be reminded of.

As I was sitting in a teaching kitchen and watching this video in a class I'm taking while in culinary school, it reassured me that I made the right choice. I'm doing what I need to do to be happy. This is the right path. While I have days where I wake up and think "what did I get myself into,"  I know it's all for the better and it'll turn out. It's what's supposed to happen right now. When I picked up my chefs coat and put it on for the first time this week, it felt good. It felt real. It felt right. Sure, it's extremely unflattering for the figure (add the black and white checkered pants to it and it REALLY doesn't do the body any favors), but it made everything feel official...it's all going to happen. And that makes me smile.

I wish everyone had the ability to do what they love to do. Where they don't have a job, but instead have a career. Where they are excited to go to work. Where what they do for a living doesn't feel like work. Where they come home for the day and feel like they accomplished something. Where they find meaning with their life. Where they're happy.

Please, check out chef Richard Rosendale's Ted talk below :)