Week 42 Wrap Up and Numbers

Have you ever had a workout hangover? Like, you worked out so hard the day before that you wake up and actually feel hungover? I felt like that on Monday. Absolutely exhausted! I can honestly say I've never had a workout hangover before. It makes me feel like I really worked hard during training on Sunday, though. Makes me feel good! Except, I was warned that I may feel it all more in my legs today, which I did not feel any more sore today and did yoga this afternoon...so I'm not sure how I should feel about that one.

K and I are back to climbing stairs. We started that again 2 weeks ago. Last week, I finished 64 flights of stairs (up and down) in under 25 minutes. It's a better time than when we were climbing the stairs back in the spring, but not a good enough time if we want to compete in Tackle the Tower next month (Tackle the tower is a race where you have to climb 38 flights of stairs as fast as possible). I'm working on improving my time every week. We will see how it goes on Thursday.

A couple weeks ago, a group of ladies met to keep everyone accountable in order to lose some weight and get healthy. I was asked to sit in on the group meeting and help with nutrition assistance and tips throughout the duration of the group. At the first meeting, everyone weighed in. I was asked if I was going to weigh in and I said no. Sunday, they had their first weigh-in meeting. I was asked again if I was going to weigh in and again said no. Why didn't I weigh myself then? Because I made the decision to step on a scale once per month.

While the scale is one way to measure progress, it's not the only way...nor is it the most important way. If you're looking to lose weight, lose fat, gain muscle, get healthy, whatever you want to call it, a number on a scale shouldn't be the only think to focus on -- to obsess about. Society is so concerned about that scale number, as if every single person has the same body shape, bone density, and genetics to where you can just input your height and age and a magic number is spit out as to what you should weigh. Do you know what that number is for me? 150. That formula says I should weigh 150 pounds. If I were to try to do that, I would have no muscle and look sickly. I have baby birthing hips. I have boobs. I want muscle. I want to be STRONG. I want that bicep bump that people have when they flex their arms. There's no way I would look good or be happy at 150 pounds.

The scale shouldn't be the only thing to focus on. As I said a couple posts ago, I stopped weighing myself weekly. I was becoming obsessed. The scale would sit in my bathroom and I would have to physically restrain myself from stepping on it every single morning. I became obsessed. And if the number wasn't what I wanted to see, I felt bad about it. I went through two months of a plateau on the scale. Every week, that number was not moving on the scale, yet I went down a pant size during that plateau. I went down an entire pant size but was too focused on that number on the scale that was just sitting there to be able to feel excited about the victory of sizing down in pants. Instead, I just felt frustrated and it made me want to emotionally eat. And that's when it happened. That was the moment I decided the scale was taking focus over the more important objective and it was time to back off. So, I still weigh myself, but only once per month now. I can't continue to focus on the number on that scale. I SIZED DOWN IN PANTS! I should feel excited about that! So, I am :)

I highly recommend choosing other avenues to check progress. Get a pair of pants that you no longer fit into that you want to wear again and measure your progress with that. Or measure yourself. Or check your body fat percentage. A pound is a pound...whether it's a pound of muscle or a pound of fat. If you replace a pound of fat with a pound of muscle, the scale isn't going to move but your body is going to look different!

I've also been measuring myself. I measure each bicep, waist, hips, and each thigh. Since measuring myself on day 1 (actually, I think I started measuring about 2 or 3 weeks into working out), I have lost 46 inches from my body. 46!! And of that 46 inches I've lost, 17 of those inches are off my waist. 17. 17 inches. I had to take the measuring tape and physically see what 17 inches and 46 inches look like. It was incredible. My waist is only 6-8 inches away from my goal waist size. I'm not as far away from my goal as I think. And if the scale doesn't reflect it, I'm going to be ok with that. If I come in at 190 and I feel good with my body and feel like I'm ready to start maintaining, that's fine. Heck, even if I'm at 200 and I feel like that, I'll start maintaining. I know I will never be "skinny" and I don't want to be "skinny." I know I have a shape and I want to have a shape. I know I will never wear a size 2 and I have no desire to be able to. I know I'm not going to be 120 pounds and I'm ok with that. The scale is not going to define me. I will feel good about my body when I feel good about my body. Societal standards and a number on a scale aren't going to change that.

WHY?

WHY did I start this journey?

Because I was unhappy where I was

Because I didn’t recognize the person I saw in the mirror

Because I was tired of being the FRIEND

Because I was tired of just having “a pretty face”

Because I was tired of being out of breath when I took a 10 minute walk

Because I was tired of being out of breath when I walked up 1 flight of stairs

Because I was tired of joint pain, acid reflux, headaches, and the future health problems that were looming

Because I was tired of being uncomfortably comfortable at rock bottom

WHY?

Because I wanted to feel normal

Because I wanted to FEEL

Because I was tired of living in the past

Because it was exhausting to keep the wall up and stay on guard

Because I was tired of the self abuse of emotionally eating

Because I was tired of constantly wearing the wounds of my childhood abuse on the outside for all to see, yet still thinking I was hiding it well.

Because I was tired of having the wounds from so long ago and not allowing them to heal

WHY?

Because I want to have kids

Because I want to be physically able to have kids

Because I want to have a future

Because I don’t want to end up in a hospital, sick and dying and in pain during my last days

Because I don’t want my last days to arrive too soon

Because I was tired of feeling paranoid and self conscious, as if I was always being “looked at”

Because I was tired of never being looked at

Because I had a fear that I would eventually not be able to even fit into the plus sized stores

Because I was tired of shopping in the plus sized stores

WHY?

Because I was tired of excuses

Because I was tired of depression

Because I was tired of wishing

Because I was tired of never following through

Because I was tired of being tired

Because I was tired of constantly feeling judged

Because I was tired of constantly judging myself

Because I was tired of feeling like I was living a lie

Because I was tired of not truly living

Because I was tired of just surviving

So WHY am I doing this?

Because I know I deserved better

Because I know I am worth more

Because I know I have more to give

Because I know I have dreams to accomplish

Because I know I deserve success

Because I know I have the ability to do it

Because I know how far I can go

Because I know I can be a success story
Because I WILL be a success story.

Week 41 Wrap Up and a Lit Fire

I'll be honest, I've felt stagnant lately. The past few weeks, heck...the past two months or so, I've just felt stagnant. Workouts haven't been fun. I've felt like I've been losing motivation. I don't know why. Nothing has changed....but maybe that's why I've been losing motivation; nothing has changed. Since a week before Christmas, I've been working a temporary/side job (it finished up last week) that has been somewhat physically demanding and requiring more time than usual, lately. Because I was working all day, I was unable to go to my yoga classes (they're at noon) and I really missed those.

Last week, I was asked to go to a meeting with 10 women looking to lose weight and get healthy. I was asked to go so I could share my personal journey, as well as nutrition tips and extra motivation for the women. They paired up so they would each have an accountability partner. A group was also started on Facebook so we could all stay connected, talk about issues anyone may be having and encourage when needed. While I'm not actually one of the women that are participating in the group, it's nice to know that my journey, [limited] experience, and knowledge are helpful. I want to do what I can to help others that are looking to better themselves.

I went to the movies with some friends last week (this and the past paragraphs will all tie together, I promise). We saw Grudge Match, with Sylvester Stallone and Robert DeNiro. It was a cute movie, but I honestly wouldn't recommend even paying matinee to go see it (it would be a decent Redbox rental...pay the dollar). It's about two old boxers that want to fight each other again in the ring. Anyway, there was one of those classic workout montages. Watching this, it lit a bit of a fire under my butt. Sylvester Stallone is 67 years old. I know he's been fit for pretty much his whole life and can do way more than I ever could, but there was something he did during that montage that I now REALLLLY want to do.

It took a stagnant few weeks with a few seemingly unimportant events to get that motivation back. I was finally able to get back to yoga yesterday and it felt WONDERFUL! I missed it so much! Last night, my yoga instructor friend and I hit the sauna and I can't believe how much I missed that, too! We're going to make it a weekly thing. This group of women that are looking to get healthy remind me of myself when I was at my day 1, which helped with the motivation to get back to pushing myself (I should add a disclaimer, it's not that I haven't been working out during this "stagnant" period, I was just doing what I needed to do, I guess. I did the cardio just to get it done with. Heck, I even missed a few weeks of weights on my own) and working harder towards progressing even further faster. K and I got back together and climbed stairs this morning. I haven't done stairs since she and I did them back in the spring. We did 50 flights, up and down, in 19 minutes and 51 seconds, which is a pretty good time seeing as we did less than that the first time and it took about 45 minutes. Our average time per set was less than 6 minutes. My best time back in the spring was over 7 minutes. My new goal since watching that movie last week is to pull a truck. I want to get a harness on and pull a truck. You read it right. So J, if you're reading this, work on making that happen :) I want to pull a truck. And not just move it. I mean, I want to pull it....a quarter mile, a half mile....I want to pull a truck.

I put a list of races on Instagram that I wanted to do for 2014. While I still hate running, I had an initial goal of doing a half marathon by May when the Cleveland Marathon comes around. As I was thinking realistically, I realized that I am not going to be ready by may to run 13.1 miles. But the Rock 'n' Roll Marathon is coming up in October this year. I'll be ready by October. So, I've start pushing my cardio and preparing for that already. My goal is to do a half marathon in October and finish in 3 hours. That would be less than a 14 minute mile, which I'm already surpassing (but not long distance yet). I have some work to do, but I'm going to do it. I also have already registered for another 5k in June, and the ladies in the fitness group will be doing a 5k in April or early May, in which I will also be participating. K and I are also trying to find 2 more teammates to do Tackle the Tower next month, where you run up 38 flights of stairs as fast as possible (the best 3 times out of the 4 team members are totaled and then the top 3 teams win something). I also plan on getting in a 5 miler and 10 miler in at some point between now and October. If I actually register and pay to run in an event, it keeps me accountable. So, if anyone else is interested in doing a 5k or 10k at any point in time, let me know and I will try to join you! :)