WHY?

WHY did I start this journey?

Because I was unhappy where I was

Because I didn’t recognize the person I saw in the mirror

Because I was tired of being the FRIEND

Because I was tired of just having “a pretty face”

Because I was tired of being out of breath when I took a 10 minute walk

Because I was tired of being out of breath when I walked up 1 flight of stairs

Because I was tired of joint pain, acid reflux, headaches, and the future health problems that were looming

Because I was tired of being uncomfortably comfortable at rock bottom

WHY?

Because I wanted to feel normal

Because I wanted to FEEL

Because I was tired of living in the past

Because it was exhausting to keep the wall up and stay on guard

Because I was tired of the self abuse of emotionally eating

Because I was tired of constantly wearing the wounds of my childhood abuse on the outside for all to see, yet still thinking I was hiding it well.

Because I was tired of having the wounds from so long ago and not allowing them to heal

WHY?

Because I want to have kids

Because I want to be physically able to have kids

Because I want to have a future

Because I don’t want to end up in a hospital, sick and dying and in pain during my last days

Because I don’t want my last days to arrive too soon

Because I was tired of feeling paranoid and self conscious, as if I was always being “looked at”

Because I was tired of never being looked at

Because I had a fear that I would eventually not be able to even fit into the plus sized stores

Because I was tired of shopping in the plus sized stores

WHY?

Because I was tired of excuses

Because I was tired of depression

Because I was tired of wishing

Because I was tired of never following through

Because I was tired of being tired

Because I was tired of constantly feeling judged

Because I was tired of constantly judging myself

Because I was tired of feeling like I was living a lie

Because I was tired of not truly living

Because I was tired of just surviving

So WHY am I doing this?

Because I know I deserved better

Because I know I am worth more

Because I know I have more to give

Because I know I have dreams to accomplish

Because I know I deserve success

Because I know I have the ability to do it

Because I know how far I can go

Because I know I can be a success story
Because I WILL be a success story.