Week 10 Wrap Up and Taking Chances

My poor food choices this past weekend did make an impact on my weigh-in this week, but I didn't gain. I'm only down 1.8 pounds for the week, but it's better than nothing! It was a little disappointing since I've been on such a roll with the 4+ pound losses the last few weeks that now 1.8 doesn't feel like much. I have to remind myself that it's still good to lose something and that, while I did mess up and fall this past weekend, I was able to pick myself back up and get back on track for the rest of the week. I am human. I will make mistakes. I can't beat myself up too much because of one bad day. I can't dwell on the past. I can only learn from that mistake I made and move forward. So, enough about that :)

The thoughts of taking chances, risks, and getting over fears have been on my mind for the past few weeks. Yesterday, I started to write this big long blog post of getting over fears and taking chances....then deleted it all. I kept reading what I had written over and over again and wasn't satisfied, but couldn't figure out why. Today, after reading it again, I figured out why...I felt like a hypocrite when I read what my fingers had laid out on the screen.

I have fears. I am a fearful person. I haven't gotten over them. If I haven't learned how to get over my own fears, and if I haven't learned how to push myself and take chances, who am I to tell someone to go out and take chances and push through any mental roadblocks they may have? Sure, it makes sense to do that, but I haven't practiced what I was going to "preach" about.

I read somewhere that fear is nothing more than an obstacle that stands in the way of progress. I desperately want to pursue my passion of cooking as a career, but I fear I will lose that passion if I have to do it for a living. And so, I haven't gone back to school for it yet. The fear I have of losing that passion is the obstacle currently in my path, thus, no progress.

Yesterday during our training session, J, K and I had a conversation about pushing the limits, getting over fears and mind over matter. Mentally, we think we have a different limit than our bodies really have. K and I were doing planks and I wanted to put my knees down for a break. Physically, I was ok to keep going and holding that plank. Mentally, my brain was telling me that I should stop and rest or fear injury. If I keep putting my knees down and stopping when my mind tells me to stop, even though I can physically go longer, I won't make progress. My mind will have me stop at the same point every time because that's the point in which its comfortable reaching and not moving past. If I don't push through that mental roadblock, then I won't push myself where I need to push myself in order to make the progress in which I need to make.

Whenever I have pushed through obstacles and fear in the past, I have never had regrets. Moving to Florida, although short-lived, was great experience and I wouldn't take that time back for anything. I took a chance and moved across the country. It didn't work out the way I initially thought it would work out, but it worked out the way it was supposed to. And now, I'm happy with the way it has all worked out since. Right now, I'm where I'm supposed to be because of the choices I made and the chances I took. But I still have a long way to go and I still have more obstacles to get through to continue on the right path.

I'm sorry if none of that fit together or made any sense.

Holiday Failures and Thanks-giving

I had a fear when I started this journey: holidays and get-togethers. I'll be honest, I haven't been spending much time with my friends these past couple months because everything that we end up doing is surrounded by food. Always food. Always. I can't escape it. I feel bad that I've been avoiding them and I think they've started to notice. So, to all of my friends, I AM SO SORRY I've been avoiding you all!

The end of May marks the beginning of summertime festivities, cookouts, bonfires, and fun. Since I've been on this journey for almost 70 days now, and have been focusing on self-control and discipline since day 1, I thought I would be ok to try to venture out again and hang out with friends. I thought I would be able to hold back from all of the tempting food offerings laid out on a picnic table. Then Memorial Day weekend happened.

It was a full day of commitments on Sunday. Some friends and I went to the Berea Rib Cook off in the afternoon. As much as I love a rack of ribs, I knew I couldn't have all that barbeque sauced goodness, so I opted for a smoked turkey leg (Yes. A turkey leg. Whole. I felt like a cavewoman and LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT). There was an indulgence in a fried oreo, but an order of them came with 4 cookies and I ate one cookie, while forcing my friends to eat the rest....as much as I wanted all of them. After the cook off, I didn't feel too bad about my choices. I was able to find the calories from what I ate and was still well within my daily limit. But then I went to another cookout at another friends house after we got back from Berea. That is when it went downhill. There was so much food there and I wanted to eat all of it. Now, I was still full from lunch at the fairgrounds, but that apparently didn't stop me. A cheeseburger, multiple types of salads, chips, wine, cookies, a brownie....it happened. I feel ashamed. I felt disgusting afterwards, too. Today, I still feel gross. My body didn't know how to handle the types and amount of food I consumed that day. And I learned that I'm not quite as strong as I thought I was.

I caved. I gave into the temptation that was grilled meat and summertime treats. I kept telling myself it was ok to indulge a little. But when I indulge a little, my mind tries to forget about the first cookie I ate and gets me to eat another. and another. Oh, and try that different flavor. And the brownie? Yes please. Well, if you're going to finish off the bottle of wine, I guess I can help you with it. One burger isn't THAT bad. Just a couple of potato chips...that won't do anything. Corn is a vegetable, right? Broccoli slaw is healthy...it's broccoli! I didn't put THAT much sauce on the ribs. It's a light beer so it doesn't really count.

We all tell ourselves those lies. I told myself an excess of those lies that day. And now I'm paying for it. At first I thought, I'll just throw this day away. I'll call it a cheat day, right? Well, my cheat meal isn't scheduled for another 20-some days. So, I wrote everything that I ate in my food journal. It was terrible to look at. I felt bad about myself for having to write it all down. I then thought, "I can't figure out the calories for this. It's not worth it. I'm not going to even try" and put my journal away. This morning, I got my food journal back out, opened up a calorie counter website and figured out the calories to every single thing I ate on Sunday. I needed to see that number. I needed to put what I ate that day into perspective and to see what kind of damage I'm really capable of doing. For me, I'll keep "throwing the meal out" and "not be able to" count the calories on items that I want because I don't want to have to think about the amount of calories I just stuffed into my face. I needed to make that day a reality. So, I figured out the calories of everything I ate. I became disappointed in myself for the choices I had made. I was disappointed while watching the number of calories get higher and higher. It was difficult to put that number down on that sheet of paper for that meal. It was even more difficult to add up and write down the total calories for the entire day. I failed myself. And I honestly wanted to give up a little.

Yesterday was better. I was back on my normal food schedule and calorie consumption. Today will be the same. As will the rest of the week. K and I worked out yesterday, and it felt like a double workout based on the homework J gave. But it was good because I needed it, especially after the food fail on Sunday. I still feel a little sick to my stomach, but that's what happens to me now. If I eat the wrong food, I feel it for two days....it's kind of like when you hit a certain age and you know you're getting "old" because a hangover suddenly lasts 3 days. That's where I'm at now, except with food. Food hangovers. Gross.

Something else that helped get me back on track are all of you that read this blog. A good handful of people have told me they have been reading and staying up to date and I really appreciate all of the support. I'm astounded by the number of views this blog is getting so far. Numerous people have come up to me telling me their stories and I love to hear every single one of them. Multiple people have said I've become an inspiration to them. Some are making active efforts and changing their lives now. And others are making better and more conscious choices. It makes my day just thinking about all of it. Knowing that my story and the progress I am making can help push someone else to make positive choices to better their own lives makes my journey completely worth it. It reminds me that I can't give up. I don't want to let all of you down because of the poor choices I decided to make. I'm still striving to be come that success story and I'm proud to have all of you by my side!

As for today, I'm just praying that I will stay even at weigh-in this week. I'm not expecting a great loss, like the past two weeks. I'm sure there will be a week where the number on the scale goes up a little, but I'm not ready for that to happen. I am determined it won't be this week. Thank you all for giving me that push. You help me more than you realize :)

The Downside of Weight Loss and Week 9 Wrap-Up

Today is the end of week 9 and it was another fantastic loss this week. I am officially down 30 pounds in 9 weeks. It feels good to be able to write that, and to be able to see it on the scale. It's starting to feel like an accomplishment...I'm hitting goals week after week.

This week, I went on a 3-day fruit cleanse. It was TERRIBLE....I mean, the worst 3 days I have experienced in the past 64 days, by far. I felt lathargic, weak, easily fatigued. The first day of the cleanse I didn't have enough energy to work out at all. The second and third days, it took everything I had to walk on a treadmill for 30 and 45 minutes, and to run some much needed errands. I know cleanses work well for some people, and I do believe this cleanse was a good detox, but some people just need protein. My body didn't know what to do with the sugar spikes in all that fruit, followed by the crash, piled on to the lack of protein. The first day after I finished the cleanse, I had eggs and some tuna for protein throughout the day....and by the end of that day, I felt GREAT. I felt energized again, ready to workout, ready to take on the world. It's amazing what a little protein can do for a person!
**Disclaimer: I am not discouraging anyone from doing a fruit cleanse or any kind of detox. This is just my personal experience that I'm sharing. The results of such cleanses will be different for everyone.

Every 30 days, K and I take pictures of ourselves (front, side and back views) so we can watch the progress and keep memories from this journey. I still have trouble viewing myself lighter, so I haven't really noticed much of a difference at all, but K has and tries to point it out. We also measure ourselves to track progress that way (so we're not completely depending on a scale). Days 1 - 30, I lost less than 1 inch total on my body. Days 31-60, I lost 12 inches around my body. It didn't make sense to me at first...I felt like I haven't been doing anything extra to warrant such an inch loss difference between the two months. But, when I asked J about it, it made sense; Yoga and cardio. Everything that I have been doing doesn't feel easy. It never has felt easy. At first, that makes me feel as though I'm not progressing, if my workouts aren't getting easier as I get lighter and more conditioned. But, they shouldn't get easier. I'm able to do more now. I'm able to go longer, harder, faster (not much faster, but a little faster). I'm able to push myself more. I'm doing more than I think. I looked back at the first week's homework that J gave and I laughed. To compare that first workout homework assignment to the one he just gave this past week is remarkable. I don't notice the intesity in workouts changing, but they are. I'm excited to compare my current workouts to the ones I will doing in another 30 days :)


There is a downside to weight loss. I wrote last week about working a dead end job. Well, that dead end job doesn't pay much, which I'm ok with...I don't expect to get paid much for how little I do, honestly. Plus, I'm able to cover my expenses and put a little in savings every month, so that's all that really matters. However, I'm learning that this new journey I'm writing can be expensive. My clothes don't fit anymore. They haven't for a few weeks now, but I keep trying to get as much use out of them as possible. Last week, I had to go shopping and buy some new clothes. I tried to just get what I absolutely needed, but still ended up spending about half my paycheck. I skipped out on work pants, thinking my current ones could last a little longer. Then yesterday happened...
It was a beautiful morning downtown. The forecast was calling for rain, but it was blue skies and sunny in the morning. I was walking to work with an umbrella in one hand (just in case the forecast decided to be accurate for once) and some hot tea in the other. Then it happened. Exactly what I didn't want to happen. Ever. My pants fell down. I almost wish someone had a picture of what happened because I would've loved to have seen what it looked like. It felt mortifying and absolutely hilarious all at the same time. So, as I'm struggling to pull my pants back up, trying to not drop my umbrella and not spill piping hot tea all over myself, it dawned on me. When I went shopping last week, I was in desperate need of new underwear that actually fit. Because I knew they were just going to be "transition" underwear, I didn't care what they looked like...as long as they fit. I found a clearance bin in a store with some panties in my size, grabbed a bunch and was relieved I wouldn't have to deal with the chaffing of oversized underwear for a little while longer. Well, isn't it my luck that the underwear I threw on yesterday morning were bright purple with pink glittery letters across the butt that said GOOD MORNING. Not only did I drop trou on the sidewalk of downtown Cleveland, I also apparently wanted to scream 'GOOD MORNING' to those lucky enough to drive and walk by.

Needless to say, I will be buying some new pants this weekend.

Two Months, The Journey So Far, and A New Journey Starting

Today marks the end of week 8. It's hard to believe I have been writing my new story for two months already (although sometimes it feels like it's been about 6 years). Weigh-in was fantastic today and am officially down 25 pounds in 8 weeks. The loss for this week was unexpected, to be honest, due to being on vacation....vacation food isn't exactly the healthiest food all the time (but I did make a conscious effort to eat responsibly and we worked out! That was the first time that's ever happened on a vacation I've taken).

Every year, K and I go on our annual "road trip" where we have a couple rules: We cannot stay at a chain hotel, we cannot eat at any chain restaurants and we have to try to take "the road less traveled" as often as possible (aka, limited highways, turnpikes, toll roads, etc.). We have these "rules" so we can get as much out of the journey as possible. It's not very fun to just sit in traffic on a turnpike for hours, where all you see are brake lights, orange barrels and concrete, just to end up in a Holiday Inn that looks exactly like the one the next city over, then eating dinner at Applebee's where the menu is the same all around the country. The journey should be just as great as the destination itself.

I keep trying to view my life the same way. I don't want to sit in a dead end job, staring at a computer screen, having to work somewhere I can't stand, and having no time to actually go out and experience life because of a paycheck. I don't want to have a huge income because society finds me more acceptable if I do (just remember: society started reality tv and made people like Justin Beiber and Nicki Minaj famous...think about it. Do you really want to conform to society's standards?). I don't want to drive a nice car with an astronomical car note because society says I'll look more successful. I don't want thousands upon tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt so I can whip out a platinum colored piece of plastic to pay for some designer name that won't make me any better of a human being. And I don't want to have to work 4 different jobs that I hate just try to pay for it all. That's not living. Working hard is a good thing, but it depends on what you're working toward and if the work itself is fulfilling. 10 years down the road, will you look back and feel like you accomplished something? 15 years down the road, will you be where you want to be because of what you chose to do today? 20 years down the road, will you have incredible memories to think back on, laugh about, to enjoy? Or will you think back and just remember sitting at a desk and staring at a computer screen all day?

I'm currently in this situation. I have a dead end job (disclaimer: I am grateful I have a job I am able to go to. And I am thankful to have the job I currently have because, if I didn't, I never would've met J and wouldn't be on this new journey right now. But some things in life are just stepping stones). I sit at a desk, stare at a computer, answer a couple phone calls and push a button to unlock a door. I have passions that are stifled in a corporate office setting. I have a career I want to pursue. And I have the support from others that would back me to pursue said passion. Having the time out of state to step away from my everyday life and breathe for a minute gave me new perspective. It gave me time to think. It gave me the opportunity to finally make some more decisions. I've decided that the dead end jobs have to stop. My passion is worth fighting for and pursuing. Chapter Two of my story will be starting soon. I'm excited to start the new journey.

Week 7 Wrap Up and a Realization

It is the end of week 7 and weigh-in happened this morning. I have offically reached my first weight goal and am really excited to keep going :)

Over the past few weeks, people have started to notice the weight loss. I've gotten the, "have you lost weight?" and "what's different about you?" and "You're disappearing," which I have really appreciated. My yoga instructors have said things like, "I can see a difference. You're stronger than when you first started" and J has commented on how I'm able to do certain moves better, too (K also laughed for a good 3-4 minutes the other day when I put on my jeans and they look so baggy and horrible. She says, "Are those your pants? You can't wear those out on public anymore!"). It's been great hearing all of that. It confirms that I'm really making progress and it makes me want to push harder so I can be even better.

But, a friend said something to me this morning that meant the absolute world. He said, "I think this whole exercise thing is really paying off for you. I really notice a difference. You're glowing again." And that's when it really sunk in for me. While there is a physical transformation happening, the biggest change that I've been feeling lately is emotional. I feel emotionally lighter. The chains of my past that have been holding me down for so long are starting to break apart. I'm able to move again.

I'm starting to break free.

Simple Acts of Kindness

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

I believe kindness is a fundamental part of life. I think if you give kindness out, you will receive kindness back. To me, the ability to be kind is all about how you view your life, surroundings, and those around you. Last weeks training session was held at a park near the lake. As we were working out, J points to the Cleveland skyline and says, "If the city looked this nice while I'm walking through it, maybe I would like downtown more."  Between heaving breaths while trying to not throw up, I reply, "Maybe if you saw the beauty of the city while walking through it as you do when you see its skyline, you would like it more." He sees Cleveland as "Gotham City" with just square grey buildings and unfriendly people. When I walk through Cleveland, sure there are some boring grey buildings, but the city has so much character. A lot of the buildings have the original architecture and beautiful granite and stone details. There are pillars, statues, bronze adornments and latin phrases etched into the buildings. There are still some Fallout Shelter signs on walls. I find these things beautiful. I love how this city can tell its story by just being. It's been through so much. It has seen its peak, it has seen its lowest point, and it's starting to grow again and thrive again to become great once again. It's more alive than most people realize.

And the people aren't so bad downtown, either. Sure, the outsiders bring their road rage and smug facial expressions, but you can tell who the downtown dwellers really are. Living downtown, you recognize others that you see all the time. After only a year of living downtown, I now can't walk down the street without getting a wave, a smile, or seeing someone that I recognize. It becomes a community. People walk their dogs, play with their kids, hang out with their friends....and it feels close-knit. If I'm hanging out at the coffee shop, people will come up and talk. And we'll have conversations like we've all known each other for years. And it's because kindness comes out in all of us. Receiving a smile or a wave while walking down the street can change a bad mood. It stays with a person more than that smug attitude with the suit that won't get off his cell phone.

There's a homeless man that hangs out on a stoop a block away from my apartment. For weeks he's been hanging out there, now that it's warmer outside. He just sits there with a cup and asks for spare change from passers-by (I have a rule where I will not carry cash or change on my person and I will not give the homeless money. I have run into CVS or a convenience store to get them food before, but I won't give them money). Now, I've seen this man a handful of times before while feeding the homeless with a group that goes to 4 different homeless shelters in the city every single Saturday to hand out food. He's been staying at the big shelter about 10 blocks away.  For the past few weeks, every morning when I walk to work, he's either at his stoop or across the street sitting on a bench at the park. Every evening when I walk home from work, he's on his stoop, with his cup, smiling. We've started to recognize each other. The other day, K and I were out power walking and passed by him. He asked for money, but we didn't have any. As we were walking back, we passed by him again. He gave us encouragement for working out. A homeless man, with nothing but the shirt on his back, sitting on a stoop holding a cup with some pocket change had the kindness in his heart to give us encouraging words as we worked out. So, why is it, when we have a roof over our heads, food on the table, a safe place to live, jobs, an income, a mode of transportation, why is it that we can't do that for others? (just stop for a minute and let that perspective sink in)
We waved to each other while I was walking home from work yesterday. I took him a banana this morning. He smiled. I will always remember his smile, so full of genuine kindness and gratitude. I think we're becoming friends.

A few weeks into this journey, K and I were working out in the fitness center of my building. I was new at this whole exercise thing and still didn't really know what I was doing (I still am new and don't really know what I'm doing...but maybe I'll have a grasp for it someday). We went to start a circuit that included a leg machine. As I was setting the machine up, a guy in the fitness center asked if I needed any help, that he uses that machine all the time. K and I said we were good and thanked him for the offer. He then asked if we got a personal trainer because he's noticed us down in the gym for the past few weeks with someone. We said yes, and talked J up (as always) and we started discussing the different circuits J has us doing, having to do the stairwells, and other gym talk. Now, I'll preface this by saying this guy is a gym rat. He's down there almost every time I am. He is there longer than me and does more than I could do. So it really struck me when he told us that we're doing a good job, that J is really working us hard and he wouldn't ever be able to do the stairs that many times. I'm realizing that I'm the judgemental one when I assume I'm getting judged and scoffed at when I walk into a gym, or try to jog outside in public. The kind words that came from gym-guy was something I never would have expected. And I appreciated every word he said. It was the encouragment I needed to get through that especially difficult week.

A few days after the gym-guy incident, there was a girl on the treadmill in the gym at the same time I was. J had just finished up with our session and left while I finished up cardio. K and I were talking about some upcoming workout that we had to do and Treadmill-girl joins into the conversation. She says, "I saw what your trainer was doing to you over there earlier. I could NEVER do what he has you doing!" Please note, she is saying this with complete breath control as she runs at a 7.0 on the treadmill like it's a slow stroll in the park. There I was again, barely able to breathe, holding onto the bars of an elliptical for dear life, just trying to get through 20 minutes of cardio after a 30 minute training session...and I was taken aback by the kindness this stranger on a treadmill was giving. It made me think that maybe I was actually doing a good job and maybe I really should be proud of the work I am doing.

I'm sure gym-guy and treadmill-girl had no idea their kind words would have such an impact on me. I'm sure they didn't think about it in the slightest. But that was the hardest week for me, so far, and they helped me get through it and push on. They kept me on the right path. They kept me going. And their kindness is still contributing to the successes I am continuing to make. They probably never thought I would remember those 30 second exchanging of words would stay with me for so long. And that's just it. You never know who needs encouraging words, a wave on the street, or even just a smile. For all you know, because of your kindness, you could've helped someone get over a hurdle with which they were struggling. There's always that possibility. For me, if there's always the possibility that my kindness could help someone else, I will strive to always be as kind as possible. Sometimes the most unkind people are the ones that need kindness the most.

The Art of Breathing

Sometimes, life takes over. Sometimes, it feels as though there aren’t enough hours in the day to complete the tasks that need to be completed. Sometimes, it feels as though there is just no time to stop and breathe. Sometimes, love gets put on the back burner so some frustration-filled tedious and unimportant task can take center stage. Sometimes, to be able to get through life, I have to take a moment and just breathe so that life can happen with more fluidity. Sometimes, I need to take time to make myself healthy and bring love back into focus. I have to learn to love myself and be confident in myself to be able to accomplish what I need to. If I am able to get myself back on the right path and learn to love me, then not only will I be able to get through the days with more ease, but I will also have the ability to put my focus on helping others.

Thich Nhat Hanh once said, “Love is the capacity to take care, to protect, to nourish. If you are not capable of generating that kind of energy toward yourself – if you are not capable of taking care of yourself, of nourishing yourself, of protecting yourself – it is very difficult to take care of another person.”

I am notorious for spreading myself too thin. I always try to help others and do what I can in my power to make other people happy. After a while, though, it gets tiring. It makes me feel weak. It wears me down to a point where I can no longer function to be able to properly take care of myself. I’ve been learning on this journey that, while it’s good to help and love others, I have to have that healthy and solid foundation to be able to do so properly. If I can’t keep myself nourished, how could I possibly nourish someone else? I have to love and take care of myself first.

If I don’t know how to take care of myself, how could I take care of others? If I constantly feel exhausted, if I put too many tasks on my plate, if I become a ‘yes’ woman, what good does that really do? If I constantly feel exhausted, I just wear myself down physically and mentally. If I take on too many tasks and responsibilities, I can’t accomplish those tasks to the best of my ability. If I allow daily life to take control, I’m not allowing myself to heal properly, my journey does not move forward in the right direction and my story becomes stagnant. In order to stop this from happening, sometimes I have to just stop what I’m doing and breathe.

Since starting this journey, I’ve been taking yoga classes twice per week. The greatest benefit I have from those classes is breathing. There’s a big focus on having a proper breathing pattern and keeping a steady breath. For those two hour-long sessions per week, I am able to let go of any worries or obligations I may have, focus on myself, and focus on breathing it all out (while also maneuvering my body into positions I sometimes don’t think are possible, but that’s beside the point). There are many benefits to deep breathing: Breathing detoxifies and releases toxins, brings mental clarity, releases tension, relieves pain, increases muscle, strengthens the immune system, improves posture, improves blood quality, aids in digestion, improves the nervous system, strengthens the heart, improves cellular regeneration, and the list goes on and on. Breathing can do so much for the mind and body…maybe that’s why God made it a necessity of life.

So, after all of those random words that you just read that probably don’t make sense, what I’m saying is this. When life feels like it’s getting out of hand, breathe. Love yourself, take care of yourself, and breathe. Take 5 minutes, lock yourself in a bedroom, bathroom, your car in the grocery store parking lot, or someplace where you can escape from life for a couple minutes, and just embrace the quiet and focus on your breath. Breathe deeply, calmly, breathe with purpose. You’re breathing because you’re alive. And you’re alive because you were put on this earth with a purpose. So breathe, regroup, and face the world head on so you can fulfill that purpose in the best way you can.

Writing Your Story

Every week, K and I weigh in on Thursday mornings to see what kind of change has happened. Every week, I have lost pounds. One week, it was less than 1 pound, but it was still a loss so I was happy. Another week, it was 5 pounds...I questioned the scales calibration, but was still happy. I've been averaging about 2 pounds per week. I'm not going up and I'm not staying the same and that constant loss helps keep me motivated. I've become excited for Thursday mornings now. Never in my life did I ever think I would look forward to looking at a number on the scale. But that number has been getting smaller and smaller 6 weeks in a row. I think I like Thursday mornings so much now because it shows that all the hard work that I've been doing throughout the week is paying off. All that work that I am doing, I am doing to make me the best I can be. I just wish it didn't take 24 years to realize that focusing on making myself well isn't selfish. Not only am I doing this for myself, I am doing this so I can be in the best mind and body to help others.

I'm currently reading a book by Donald Miller (If you've never heard of Donald Miller, I think he is a FANTASTIC writer. I highly recommend picking up his book, "Blue Like Jazz" and starting there. You'll be hooked). It's called "A Million Miles in A Thousand Years." I didn't realize it when I chose to start reading it, but it's very fitting for my life right now. It's all about creating a better life story and how he learned to live a better story. That's one of my goals. I want my story to be memorable and I want it to have meaning. When I'm old, I want to look back on past memories and accomplishments and think, "I did it and I'm happy because of the choices I made." I want my story to have a happy ending, not become a tragedy. Sure, there will be (and have been) ups and downs and zigs and zags, but all those twists are what makes a good story anyway...so I'm ok with that (I also hope it will be mostly comedy...like, laugh out loud Anchorman type comedy. Because, you know, I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany :) Sorry...I digress). Those twists are what make a story memorable. I'm working towards making my life one that people won't forget. I have big plans and I am taking steps to make them happen!

I kind of feel like I'm going all over the place in this post, so I will leave you with this...I believe Donald Miller puts it best:

If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn't cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers. You wouldn't tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you'd seen. The truth is, you wouldn't remember that movie a week later, except you'd feel robbed and want your money back. Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a guy who wants a Volvo.

But we spend years actually living those stories, and expect our lives to feel meaningful. The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won't make a story meaningful, it won't make a life meaningful either.



I want my life to have meaning - not only to myself, but to others. I want to become that success story that people read about. I am changing my life so I can help others change theirs.