I fully believe there is at least one defining moment in everyone's life where they realize what they have to do to be happy (whether they take action to make it happen or not is another story). On March 21, 2013, that moment happened in my life (but I will get to that). I would say I was unhappy, but that would be an understatement. I was miserable. I felt lost. I felt alone. It really was a very dark time...and it just got darker as each day passed. I hit my rock bottom several years ago. I've been there for so long I could describe every crevice and dip in that stone. It became a safe place; it became comfortable. But that comfort was slowly tearing me apart. That comfort did nothing but make me feel more discontentment. So what did I do? I numbed the discomfort, discontentment, and really any feelings I had.
Not feeling gets tiring. Everything was exhausting - social interaction, work, play, putting on the smile everyone expects to see. I got sick of it. I could see others out in the world expressing their genuine happiness and I longed to have that life. I wanted hope. I wanted joy. I wanted to feel again. The discontentment became too much to handle and I knew I had to do something. I needed a new life. I needed a rebirth.
I'll lay it out right here. I'm fat. Like, really fat. Unhappily, unhealthily fat. I hate it. I hate looking in the mirror, picking out clothes, shopping, traveling, eating out. It's terrible. Any self-confidence I could have, I don't have. Any compliments I receive, I don't believe. Any looks I get in public feel like glares of judgement, burning holes right through me and focusing on this huge blob stuffing her face with food and huffing and puffing to walk a few blocks on a sidewalk. But the fat is a safety. It stops others from getting too close to realize the smile is just a mask. I spent 24 years building and conditioning this physical "wall" of safety around me. And I knew if I really wanted to start on a new journey, that wall had to come down.
I spoke with my friend about how I was thinking of starting to exercise on a regular basis and get my life back. Lets call her K. K was really excited to hear this because she wanted to do the same thing. She only has about 1/4 of the amount of weight to lose, but has the same type of personality that I do where the more accountability we have, the higher the success rate. After we both made a decision to exercise together and become eachothers accountability partners, I started looking for the right personal trainer.
Living in a large apartment building in the heart of downtown Cleveland has its perks. There's a decent sized fitness center at my disposal in my building, as well as a sauna and yoga studio about 25 feet from my apartment door. Because of that, I found two different business cards of personal trainers that train in my building. I asked around about these two trainers and received mediocre reviews. I wasn't convinced they would be a good fit, so I kept searching.
There's a trainer that comes into my work twice per week to teach yoga and strength training. Lets call him J. Several of my co-workers train with him and, since he's been teaching at work, I've heard nothing but positivity spoken about him. Working in reception, I speak with everyone who comes into the office. In the short time J is out in the reception area, and in the small talk we exchanged, I could see the genuine kindness he has for others. On Tuesday, March 19th, I asked if he did personal training...and he did. I asked if he's currently taking on new clients...and he is. Every answer to every question I asked was what I was looking for. So we set the first appointment for March 21st.
That's when it all began.
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