Week 19 and Accomplishing Goals

Well....Put-in-Bay happened. I didn't do nearly as well as I thought I would have. But, it happened. And honestly, I don't really feel bad about it. I truly relaxed this weekend with no regrets. So, while I didn't make the healthiest choices and indulged in a few cookies and smores, I did watch portion sizes (for the most part). I had every intention of working out, and my friend and I did yoga at about 5:00 in the morning on Friday, but the mornings of the rest of the weekend were too rainy and windy to walk/jog or safely swim. I did get back to normal on Monday and yesterday with yoga again, and back to healthy eating habits again. It was just really nice to get away for a few days and not think about anything or have a care in the world. I really cherished this weekend :)

Weigh-in: I'm doing training today (I'll explain why a couple paragraphs down) so I decided to weigh in today. Honestly, I was really mentally preparing myself for a gain...like, a significant gain after this past weekend. But guess what. Down 1 pound! Hahahaha! I don't really understand why...but I won't question! So, that's a total loss so far of 51.6 pounds :)

On Monday, I had the follow up doctors appointment with that doctor I saw several weeks ago that deals with hormones and "prescribes" all natural supplements instead of medication. She seemed surprised as she read my blood results to me. Good news is I am healthy :) Blood pressure, thyroid, cholesterol, sodium, blood sugar, liver function...it's all good. Everything is within normal range and working the way it should, except one thing. One hormone, Pregnenolone, is low (actually, a lot low. The normal range for this hormone is between 18 and 36, the lowest the test reads is 5 and my level was apparently under 5 because it wasn't able to even be read). Pregnenolone is known as the grandparent precursor to steroid hormones in mammals. It comes from cholesterol in the mitochondria of the adrenal glands and the central nervous system, and the body uses it to produce DHEA, progesterone, testosterone and estrogen. So, if you have a low level of Pregnenolone, it can have an effect on cognitive functioning (poor memory...which would totally explain a lot), how you react to stress, mood patterns, sleep patterns, and could also increase arthritic inflammation...if you have arthritis. I was also reading more about it and found that, if this hormone is taken, it can help in the healing of spinal cord injuries, overcoming chemical dependencies, and treating mental health disorders like phobias and schizophrenia...which I find very interesting that the body can produce something so powerful that is natural, yet society has taught us that we should rely on chemical prescription drugs instead. But I won't get into that right now. So, the doctor advised I take a natural supplement of Pregnenolone. We'll see if my memory improves! It was nice to learn that any standard health issue an obese person could have (high blood pressure, cholesterol issues, diabetic issues, etc) I am clear of. It was a little bit of a stress relief to know my body is functioning well :)


I think I've discussed this before, but I have goals. Like, written down that I carry with me. 50 of them. When first starting training with J, he has everyone fill out a goal sheet....3 physical goals and 3 acheivement goals. I filled that out within a week of starting and then J keeps a copy, a copy stays in my purse, and a copy stays in my house. Later on, he then brought up Jim Rohn, saying we should have a list of 50 goals. Just the 50 that you first think of...not picking and choosing goals, just writing all of them down. It took me a couple weeks to come up with 50, but I got my list. Once that list has been created, then break the goals down to whether you want to acheive them in 1 year, 3 years, 5 years or 10 years and then choose the top 5 goals for each. It was nice to read those goal lists and see where I think I currently am in my life and where I want to see myself 5 and 10 years from now. Most of my goals are travel oriented. I have some physical goals on there, career goals, personal goals, get married and have a baby...you know, the usual. I also had one on there that I've had for almost 10 years now. I will preface this with a story.

My first job was as a receptionist in a fitness center when I was 16. It was a pretty low key job, just sitting at a front desk making sure members swiped their membership cards, doing school work, and cleaning the bathrooms and windows. I ended up getting to know a couple trainers that had clients and classes there. Most of their clients were these big muscled men that looked like they've been working out 6 hours per day, 7 days per week for 25 years and could bench about 700lbs without batting an eye. But one of the trainers would always take his clients outside to the parking lot. In the back corner of the lot, there were several different sizes of tractor tires. And the trainer would have these guys flip the tires across the parking lot. These guys would do it and scream like babies as they flipped the tires. I would always watch in awe, thinking it looked really difficult and awesome all at the same time....wanting to try to flip tractor tires.

Because training last week was moved to Tuesday, I had my session in a different location. And guess what J had....a tractor tire. I don't think I've ever been as excited to work out before! 9 years ago I was just watching these big muscled men flip these tires thinking it would be cool to try one day....then 9 years later I'm flipping them myself :) I was finally able to cross one of the oldest goals off my list last week. And I cried when I drew that line through that phrase on that piece of paper. It sounds stupid, I know, but it happened.

But I will tell you what. That moment of flipping that tire 20-something times was one of the best feelings I have ever felt. I felt empowered. I felt strong. I felt like I could take on the world. I felt like one of those big-muscled guys that I would watch out the fitness center window, screaming like a baby. Except I didn't scream. It felt too good to scream (plus, I didn't find it that heavy, actually. I already asked J if he has a bigger/heavier tractor tire to flip). Is this what self-confidence feels like? Because I've really never felt anything like it before. The next day, I felt great. I had a feel-good soreness going on and that feeling of empowerment just hung on and stayed with me for several days after that training session. It made me want to work harder and lift heavier and push myself even more. It gave me motivation...like I said, I already asked J if he has a heavier tire to flip. The thought of adding weight to barbell back squats sounds exciting to me. This feeling is just so new and strange. But I like it. And I want more of it. So I'm having my training session today instead of tomorrow (maybe tomorrow, too...we'll see) so I can go back to J's and flip tires again....I'm just so excited! And I can't wait until I look on the outside how I feel on the inside. It's just more motivation to work harder and accomplish more :)

Week 18 and Inspiration

Due to some unforeseen circumstances, training with J this week has been switched to today, so I made the executive decision to have my weigh-in today. I may still weigh in on Thursday...we'll see. But I was just too darn impatient and wanted to know if I hit the 50 pound loss mark yet! Well, I am overjoyed to inform you that I have! For the week, I am down 3.2 pounds for a total loss so far of 50.6 pounds! Now, I think I can go to Put-in-bay feeling good and with a feeling of more self-control....I don't want to lose that 50 pound mark and end up gaining next week at weigh-in, after all.

The Senior Olympics were held in Cleveland this year. I forgot they were coming until I went out to dinner this past weekend (celebrating with my day 120 cheat meal) and sat at a community table at a restaurant (by the way, I love the idea of community tables at restaurants. Highly recommended. You get to know your neighbors and enjoy some good conversation). A man was seated next to me at the community table and was wearing a Senior Olympics t-shirt. He was older, in his 60's, and enjoyed conversation with strangers. So, for the rest of dinner (until it rained and we all had to run inside), we talked with this man and listened to his stories. They were incredible stories. He was racing in the senior triathlon this year. The past two senior games he won 2nd and 4th. He says he takes his bike everywhere and has been everywhere. He's hiked up Machu Picchu. He's biked across Ireland, the US, throughout the UK and through Asia. He's been to the other side of the world and back, all either biking or hiking and staying in hostels. And the best part of his stories? He didn't start any of this until he was 40. He said one thing that really struck me, which was, "if there's one thing I regret, it's that I didn't start doing this earlier."

I think Oscar Wilde puts it best when he said, "To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." This man is LIVING his life. 40 is technically the start of mid-life. He went half his life working a normal job, having a daily routine and just existing. Then, he started traveling for his job and one time decided to take his bike on his travels, fell in love with biking throughout the different cities and it just grew from there. He found his passion, stuck to it, and didn't let anything stop him. He has arthritis....but says the movement helps with the pain. He does what he loves to do and he does it well. This man is an inspiration.

I don't think I have ever left a dinner with such hope. Hearing about this man's life made me want to LIVE, not just exist. I'll admit, I've had some reservations about quitting my job to go to culinary school and start my own business....but this man took away those reservations I was previously feeling. I absolutely believe he was placed in that chair that was next to me at that table for a reason. It was the confirmation I needed so I could know I am on the right path. The exercise, the nutrition, the new career. It's all happening...and I now feel that this is the right time and it's supposed to be happening. I'm determined to be society's exception, not the rule. I'm determined to not allow anyone or anything stifle my creativity or passions. My passion will grow and I am determined to be great. I will live my life, not just exist. I will enjoy my time, not waste it.

40 years down the road, I will sit at a community table in a restaurant and have conversations about life with random strangers that will inspire them to live life, too.

Week 17 Wrap Up and a Life Change (AND A PICTURE)

Week 17 has come to an end. This is officially day 120 and the 4 month mark of this journey! This week, I am down 2.2 pounds for a total loss so far of 47.4 pounds. I plan on doing the Day 120 measurements either later today or this weekend. My recent goal I have set for myself is to hit the 50 pound loss by weigh-in next week, so we'll see how that goes! I have 2.6 more pounds to lose to hit that goal.

This week for homework, J changed the routine up a little bit. Now, instead of lighter weights with more reps, I am doing heavier weights until failure, around 10-12 reps. I'm finding this to be more difficult. Logically, it's harder because it's heavier weight, but the hardest part for me is not lying to myself. I will explain. Let's say I'm doing a lat pull. The usual weight I can do with a lat pull at higher reps is 60 pounds. Now I'm going for less reps and a higher weight. I bump it up to 70 pounds and think, "yeah, this feels significantly heavier." Sure, it's harder, but did I reach failure at 10 or 12 reps? No. I could've gone on. My mind is telling me that slight increase is "good enough" but it's really not. I could've gone a good 15-18 reps at 70 pounds. I bump it up to 80 pounds and my mind keeps telling me, "this is too heavy! You can't do 10 reps at 80!" But physically, I could. Sure, the 8th time I had to pull down that weight was significantly more difficult than the second time I had to pull down the weight, but I was physically able. So personally, I'm finding it more difficult to push through that mental limit to be able to really figure out my physical limit. It's good though. I didn't think that "little" change like weight vs reps would screw me up like that! But it's a nice change.

Now, I've said in previous posts that there would be some exciting life changes happening soon. Well, I feel confident enough to share now. Not long ago, I posted the following picture on Facebook:

I feel as though that is a very accurate description of "normal." But, if that is what normal is, I don't want to be normal. I've been "normal" before and I couldn't stand a single minute of it. I have friends that are doing their own thing, breaking out of that societal mold and love what they do. I long for that. I want to go to work and it not feel like a job. I want to love what I do. I just don't have that personality that is content with working a dead end job to pay for things I can't really afford that I will never have time to utilize (one of the best things I've done is move to Florida and back. When I moved back to Ohio from Florida, I only kept whatever fit in my car. It feels extremely freeing to have very few possessions). That's just not me. I don't like that I have to cover my tattoos every day to work a desk job. The suits and the required brown nosing becomes overwhelming day after day. Oh, and the lack of accountability that is rampant throughout the office gets on my last nerve. It's time to break that mold I am currently in that feels so ill-fitting.

I will be 25 in a couple months and have decided it's time to finally get on with my life. I'm tired of having jobs and not a career. I'm tired of not looking forward to work, of praying for Fridays to come faster each week. I'm done with it all. It's time for me to be happy and do what I love to do. So, I am quitting my job in August and going back to school. I'm going to culinary school, to be exact. I've always had a love for cooking and it's one of the few passions I've had that has never diminished. It's time to pursue my passion. Plus, it's been really fun and challenging finding and creating new recipes that are healthy and lower in calories that I can eat. I could never deprive myself of food....and so far, I haven't felt deprived for a single minute and now weigh almost 50 pounds less. I can't eat the same thing every day. I can't steam up some veggies, boil a chicken breast (who even boils chicken, anyway? Talk about lack of flavor) and call it a meal every single day of the week. Those frozen meals just taste like processed chemical crap. I need my tastebuds to be happy, my eyes to eat up a beautiful display of a plate, and my stomach to feel satisfied...as well as feeling challenged to create great meals that are healthy.
So in August, the school semester starts and so does a new chapter of my life. I'm really excited and terrified all at the same time. This is SUCH a major change and I am giving up a secure job. But I know I have to take these risks in order to be happy. I can't wait! :)

When I hit the 90 day mark, I wrote that maybe I'd share a picture. Then I didn't. The reason is my perception has been very off. I didn't feel confident posting a picture of my progress if I couldn't see it. It's really been screwing with my mind still. I'm working on it, though. Last weekend, I was having a conversation with my mom about the physical transformation so far and my perception and whatnot. She then said something that made sense. She said, "look at yourself compared to what you looked like before." Honestly, it was kind of like one of those "should've had a V-8" head-smacking moments because I never thought of doing that (don't ask me why). So, I pulled a picture from last year off of Facebook, and took a "selfie" in a mirror and put them side by side. That was the moment I then saw the difference. It has taken 4 months to finally notice a physical change in myself. When I look in the mirror, I still don't see what the current picture shows, but I sure as hell don't see that before picture either! What's more exciting, though, is that I know this is also going to be the last time I look the way I currently look. Next picture, I'll look even better! This is just a progress picture; I'm still on the road to success and I have no intention of stopping.

Oh, by the way, the workout shirt and capris I'm wearing in the progress picture are from the "normal people" section of the store. No "plus sizes" there. I felt as though that was pretty monumental :)

Week 16 Wrap Up

Week 16 has come to an end. It's hard to believe this is day 113 and 4 months will be coming up next week. For the week, I am down 3.0 pounds for a total loss so far of 45.2 pounds. I felt pretty physically exhausted this week, so I had to take an extra rest day yesterday. It happens sometimes. I'd rather do that than risk injury. Plus, I'm expecting a real beat down with training today (did you read that J?)....gotta be as ready as I can be for Thursdays!

I don't like to make big goals for myself, for fear I will not be able to reach them. But small goals that gradually lead up to the big goal seems much more realistic and attainable. So, I have given myself a small goal. I would like to be down 50 pounds by the time I go to Christmas in July in two weeks. I am posting it here to be more accountable. I think that's pretty realistic. I only have 4.8 pounds to go before I hit that mile marker. That's 2.4 pounds per week. I think I can do that.

There's no particular reason to have that goal for myself, but I think I should have something to strive for. For the past 4 or 5 years now, my friends and I go to Put-in-Bay for Christmas in July. For a week, the island puts up Christmas decorations and tons of people show up and party like its 1999 :) My friends and I are cheap and get a campsite, set up tents, enjoy a bloody mary at 9am at Frosy's, rent a golf cart, wander around the island aimlessly, just chill out for a weekend, and do things like meet random Canadians that legitimately think the Ronald Reagan mask they brought to the island is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Personally, I'm more of a people watcher than a lush...I think it's more entertaining to watch the drunks trip over themselves than be the one that does it. Because this has become an annual trip, I think it would be nice to be 50 pounds lighter this year. Then next year, I'll be at my goal weight by the time Christmas in July rolls around again. Plus, maybe if I hit that type of goal, I will be less likely to over-indulge on the island...I think I would be more determined to not backstep if I hit the 50 pound mark. I need all the insurance I can get! :)

Put-in-Bay has some good food. Because of this, I have a little worry in the back of my mind. But, my friend and I (who are planning the trip) are trying to take precautionary measures. We have already decided to pack healthy snacks to bring, such has fruit and veggies, instead of the usual chips and cookies and junk (ok, maybe some cookies). The Boardwalk has some of the best lobster bisque ever, so I will have to enjoy a bowl of that....but it'll have to all be about moderation. Maybe find a salad for lunch instead of...whatever we usually have (I don't know what we usually eat there....chicken patio? maybe? I don't remember). The good thing about Christmas in July at PIB is that NO ONE is awake in the mornings! So, I should be able to get a good jog or a decent swim in, before the other campers and visitors wake up. Or maybe purchase a kettle bell and bring it along. But I'm not sure if I want to be "that person" ...ya know? I think a jog/walk would suffice.

I've been getting better with food choices when I go out to restaurants. I'm still having some trouble with cookouts with friends, though. I think I can now do restaurants without fear (depending on the restaurant and what options they have). But a freshly grilled piece of meat? That may be my weakness! Oh, and smores. Goodness, smores. Fortunately, we never actually cook anything at the campsite (we don't want to have to deal with keeping raw meat cold or cleaning pots and pans for eggs or pancakes), so if I only have to deal with restaurants, I should be in the clear......This is where I should try to find a piece of wood to knock on.

In two weeks, I think I will be experiencing my first weekend-long temptation. While I may have some doubts, I do feel fairly confident I will be able to resist any delicious food temptation that may be there and leave there still feeling good about myself. Next week will be 4 months. I'm in this for the long haul. I'm still determined. I'm still committed. I still feel confident that I have chosen the right journey. And I am excited for what's still to come.

Priorities and Balance (and a late Week 15 Wrap Up)

This week has been a busy one. Weigh-in day was on the 4th of July and since then I haven’t been on here to post anything new. This past week was not great, I’ll admit. I’m down only 0.2 pounds (I’m just calling it a wash) for the week and I didn’t feel like I did the best I could’ve done, as far as workouts go. The shiny newness has started to wear and it has become more and more difficult to get the motivation to go the gym by myself and get some circuits in. Don't get me wrong, I'm still working out and I haven’t skipped any workouts, which is good. I have been working out every day, but I feel as though the workouts haven’t been up to par. I really need to give myself a kick in the butt and get back to the weight training days (aka, like 6 weeks ago) of dripping sweat and laying on the floor of the gym, trying to regain a normal breathing pattern and questioning whether I would be able to stand up on my own ever again.

Thursday was the 4th of July and I was able to get a training session in with J in the morning. We went to the scenic Squires Castle for our session. It was a very nice change of scenery (I would’ve taken a picture or something but, as I said in my last post, I am NOT a morning person and was a little angry having to wake up early on a day off of work and be around a...morning person…). I warmed up to the experience once we got going, though. And I did not injure J out of morning anger, so that’s something. He really kicked my butt this past week, though. Seriously. It’s now Monday and I am STILL sore. I felt the workout by Thursday afternoon. By Friday, I was thankful that all I had to do at work was sit in a chair and not move. Saturday, it was a slow day of walking and only doing upper body weights. It was a good training session, though. I like kettle bells. They’re kind of fun.