Week 17 Wrap Up and a Life Change (AND A PICTURE)

Week 17 has come to an end. This is officially day 120 and the 4 month mark of this journey! This week, I am down 2.2 pounds for a total loss so far of 47.4 pounds. I plan on doing the Day 120 measurements either later today or this weekend. My recent goal I have set for myself is to hit the 50 pound loss by weigh-in next week, so we'll see how that goes! I have 2.6 more pounds to lose to hit that goal.

This week for homework, J changed the routine up a little bit. Now, instead of lighter weights with more reps, I am doing heavier weights until failure, around 10-12 reps. I'm finding this to be more difficult. Logically, it's harder because it's heavier weight, but the hardest part for me is not lying to myself. I will explain. Let's say I'm doing a lat pull. The usual weight I can do with a lat pull at higher reps is 60 pounds. Now I'm going for less reps and a higher weight. I bump it up to 70 pounds and think, "yeah, this feels significantly heavier." Sure, it's harder, but did I reach failure at 10 or 12 reps? No. I could've gone on. My mind is telling me that slight increase is "good enough" but it's really not. I could've gone a good 15-18 reps at 70 pounds. I bump it up to 80 pounds and my mind keeps telling me, "this is too heavy! You can't do 10 reps at 80!" But physically, I could. Sure, the 8th time I had to pull down that weight was significantly more difficult than the second time I had to pull down the weight, but I was physically able. So personally, I'm finding it more difficult to push through that mental limit to be able to really figure out my physical limit. It's good though. I didn't think that "little" change like weight vs reps would screw me up like that! But it's a nice change.

Now, I've said in previous posts that there would be some exciting life changes happening soon. Well, I feel confident enough to share now. Not long ago, I posted the following picture on Facebook:

I feel as though that is a very accurate description of "normal." But, if that is what normal is, I don't want to be normal. I've been "normal" before and I couldn't stand a single minute of it. I have friends that are doing their own thing, breaking out of that societal mold and love what they do. I long for that. I want to go to work and it not feel like a job. I want to love what I do. I just don't have that personality that is content with working a dead end job to pay for things I can't really afford that I will never have time to utilize (one of the best things I've done is move to Florida and back. When I moved back to Ohio from Florida, I only kept whatever fit in my car. It feels extremely freeing to have very few possessions). That's just not me. I don't like that I have to cover my tattoos every day to work a desk job. The suits and the required brown nosing becomes overwhelming day after day. Oh, and the lack of accountability that is rampant throughout the office gets on my last nerve. It's time to break that mold I am currently in that feels so ill-fitting.

I will be 25 in a couple months and have decided it's time to finally get on with my life. I'm tired of having jobs and not a career. I'm tired of not looking forward to work, of praying for Fridays to come faster each week. I'm done with it all. It's time for me to be happy and do what I love to do. So, I am quitting my job in August and going back to school. I'm going to culinary school, to be exact. I've always had a love for cooking and it's one of the few passions I've had that has never diminished. It's time to pursue my passion. Plus, it's been really fun and challenging finding and creating new recipes that are healthy and lower in calories that I can eat. I could never deprive myself of food....and so far, I haven't felt deprived for a single minute and now weigh almost 50 pounds less. I can't eat the same thing every day. I can't steam up some veggies, boil a chicken breast (who even boils chicken, anyway? Talk about lack of flavor) and call it a meal every single day of the week. Those frozen meals just taste like processed chemical crap. I need my tastebuds to be happy, my eyes to eat up a beautiful display of a plate, and my stomach to feel satisfied...as well as feeling challenged to create great meals that are healthy.
So in August, the school semester starts and so does a new chapter of my life. I'm really excited and terrified all at the same time. This is SUCH a major change and I am giving up a secure job. But I know I have to take these risks in order to be happy. I can't wait! :)

When I hit the 90 day mark, I wrote that maybe I'd share a picture. Then I didn't. The reason is my perception has been very off. I didn't feel confident posting a picture of my progress if I couldn't see it. It's really been screwing with my mind still. I'm working on it, though. Last weekend, I was having a conversation with my mom about the physical transformation so far and my perception and whatnot. She then said something that made sense. She said, "look at yourself compared to what you looked like before." Honestly, it was kind of like one of those "should've had a V-8" head-smacking moments because I never thought of doing that (don't ask me why). So, I pulled a picture from last year off of Facebook, and took a "selfie" in a mirror and put them side by side. That was the moment I then saw the difference. It has taken 4 months to finally notice a physical change in myself. When I look in the mirror, I still don't see what the current picture shows, but I sure as hell don't see that before picture either! What's more exciting, though, is that I know this is also going to be the last time I look the way I currently look. Next picture, I'll look even better! This is just a progress picture; I'm still on the road to success and I have no intention of stopping.

Oh, by the way, the workout shirt and capris I'm wearing in the progress picture are from the "normal people" section of the store. No "plus sizes" there. I felt as though that was pretty monumental :)